Under A Chair

When people ask me what I do for a living I never know quite how to answer them. Usually I say something along the lines of “I provide self development workshops for teens and adults”. This answer seems insufficient and shallow to me because the workshops are so much more…

I was leading a workshop for a group of teens and we were talking about small steps we could take to improve our self esteem, nothing big, just one small, even tiny, change. During the conversation, I asked the teens to step to the microphone and claim what they would do if they had just a little more self esteem. The answers were diverse because the population of teens in the room was diverse. We had some leadership teens in the room but, about 80% of the teens were from challenging circumstances like juvenile justice or a part of the foster care system.

Some of the teens said that if they had a bit more self esteem they would eat more vegetables, some would exercise more, and some would smile more and be nicer to other people.

Mixed in this room of mostly high school age teens, was one very small blonde hair, blue eyed 12 year old girl who seemed frightened of her own shadow. During this exercise the teens she was partnered with volunteered her to speak into the microphone and say what she would change if she had a bit more self esteem. Well, this little waif, at the very mention of having to speak publicly, dove onto the floor and crawled under her chair.

I approached her chair and climbed onto the floor next to her to see if she was ok. While I climbed under that chair the room fell into complete silence. Every teen in that room, from leadership teen, to gang member, to juvenile justice teen fell utterly silent. The reason: the protective, familial bond they all felt with this young girl that had been in the workshop with them all day. They all instinctively knew she needed their support and they were united in their silence, out of their concern for her and her fear. My eyes swell with tears now as I recount this story, both for the child, and the room full of teens who were the epitome of loving kindness.

When I asked her what she was afraid of this is what she told me “if I had a little more self esteem I would speak in front of people, but I don’t, so I can’t”. She had been terrified that because her partner had pointed her out we would make her speak into the microphone.

As I sat under the chair speaking with her I was wired to a hands-free microphone which was attached to my lapel. I asked if she remembered I had a microphone on and she nodded that she did. As we spoke many of the other teens sat on the floor to support her. I asked her if she could say the sentence ‘if I had more self esteem I would speak in front of a room full of people” into the mic while sitting on the floor. She shook her head no.

I addressed the room and asked if they could raise their hand if they supported her and were proud of her for even considering speaking into the mic. Every hand in the room went up, every hand, teen and adult alike. I asked her to look around the room at all the hands raised in support of her. As she looked around the room she was surprised to see every hand raised. I again asked her if she thought she could speak into the mic. She said “maybe but not standing up”, we agreed she could say the sentence while sitting under the chair. She said “if I had more self esteem I would speak in front of other people” there we sat under a chair together with her having just taken a huge risk. The room erupted into screaming and yelling and cheering and applause. She sat there grinning from ear to ear. I gave her a hug and climbed out from under the chair and asked if she would like to climb out too. She nodded and followed me out and took her seat next to her new friend.

For the rest of that day she looked taller, her eyes were brighter and she was running around the building as if she owned it. The other teens in the room all chatted her up and watched over her. Even the really tough guys (and I do mean tough) softened. She had the power to change the entire room and she did with one sentence spoken from under a chair.

My father has a guiding principle in his life. When he meets people, whether professionally or personally, he always tries to help them and to leave them in a better situation than when he finds them. Maybe that should be my answer when people ask me what I do for a living. I try to leave people better than I find them…